Monday, October 6, 2008
Arguing Toddlers -- like Dueling Banjos, only more annoying.
Toddler Boy and Baby Girl have recently begun a war. Daily now I hear the following refrains:
Mac and cheese for lunch?
No! No mac and cheese!
Yes! Yes mac and cheese!
No! No mac and cheese!
Yes! Yes mac and cheese!
No! No mac and cheese!
Yes! Yes mac and cheese!
No!No!No!
Yes!Yes!Yes!
At which point I usually interject with a "Please talk nicely to each other!" or "Inside voices!" or some other equally vague attempt of authority. And the mac and cheese is just an example. Substitute "mac and cheese for lunch" with anything -- "lets play Legos!" or "Read this book, Mommy!" or "I have it!" Oh yeah, that last one is VERY popular amongst these toddlers.
Sigh. Or rather, Ugh.
I don't know how to go about dealing with this. Because, did I mention, they do it every day at least a couple times a day. And when they do this dialogue, their voices rise with each pass of words, and before too long they sound like fighting adults. So it seems like a very negative thing, and yet I don't really know if they understand it or feel it to be a negative thing. Perhaps it's just a toddler thing.
In all the "discipline" reading I've done I haven't come across this scenario. I guess because most of the authors assume you are only handling the discipline for one child at a specific age range, rather than two at once, so therefore who would one child be arguing with? Someone suggested I try to read up on twins, since these two practically are (they are only 2.5 months apart and have been together for almost 9 months now). But, they lack the bond of twins -- you know, the in-utero cuddling and the sleep sharing in a bassinet.
I'm wondering if this is a scenario unique to our situation, or if anyone else has experienced this? Please, let me know what's worked or not worked...
I'm trying to figure out how to teach toddlers to:
1. talk nicely to each other (although I read recently that toddlers don't understand the concept of "nice" yet)
2. not yell at each other
3. stop doing this completely (it's probably just a phase that they'll grow out of soon *fingers crossed*)
4. don't argue with each other
Mac and cheese for lunch?
No! No mac and cheese!
Yes! Yes mac and cheese!
No! No mac and cheese!
Yes! Yes mac and cheese!
No! No mac and cheese!
Yes! Yes mac and cheese!
No!No!No!
Yes!Yes!Yes!
At which point I usually interject with a "Please talk nicely to each other!" or "Inside voices!" or some other equally vague attempt of authority. And the mac and cheese is just an example. Substitute "mac and cheese for lunch" with anything -- "lets play Legos!" or "Read this book, Mommy!" or "I have it!" Oh yeah, that last one is VERY popular amongst these toddlers.
Sigh. Or rather, Ugh.
I don't know how to go about dealing with this. Because, did I mention, they do it every day at least a couple times a day. And when they do this dialogue, their voices rise with each pass of words, and before too long they sound like fighting adults. So it seems like a very negative thing, and yet I don't really know if they understand it or feel it to be a negative thing. Perhaps it's just a toddler thing.
In all the "discipline" reading I've done I haven't come across this scenario. I guess because most of the authors assume you are only handling the discipline for one child at a specific age range, rather than two at once, so therefore who would one child be arguing with? Someone suggested I try to read up on twins, since these two practically are (they are only 2.5 months apart and have been together for almost 9 months now). But, they lack the bond of twins -- you know, the in-utero cuddling and the sleep sharing in a bassinet.
I'm wondering if this is a scenario unique to our situation, or if anyone else has experienced this? Please, let me know what's worked or not worked...
I'm trying to figure out how to teach toddlers to:
1. talk nicely to each other (although I read recently that toddlers don't understand the concept of "nice" yet)
2. not yell at each other
3. stop doing this completely (it's probably just a phase that they'll grow out of soon *fingers crossed*)
4. don't argue with each other
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3 comments:
Wow! That sounds like Brooke and her friend Emi. They can go at it like nothing else, but they love each other so much too. I have days when I don't want them to play together just because I can't stand listening to them fight, push, hit, yell or talk badly too each other. I wish I had good advice for you...but I don't! Sorry. Except that time does help. And one friend recommended a book siblings without rivalry. But it's hard when they aren't related and everyone has different parenting styles too. As they both get older they seem to be able to "use their words" to express how they feel a little bit more before they go off! My friend and I joke they are more like sisters then friends - total love hate relationship. GOOD LUCK!!!
I think even at this young age you should let them settle their own disputes. It teaches them sharing, comprimising, respect etc. Of course, if they hit and there is blood, I would step in. Sounds a lot like some girls that hung around here!!!
Cassie: hey, it's always good to hear your kid isn't alone in his/her behaviour. Hmm, sibling rivalry...maybe...
Mom: Well, I do let them do a little bit to a point, but mostly I try to referee, pointing out the taking turns and sharing and respecting. They're starting to get it. But I think it'll be a while before i can really step back.
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