I haven't mentioned it here yet, but I've brought another child into the daycare crew, bringing my total to 5 full time (including Baby Girl) and one part-time kids. The latest addition has gone over very smoothly, with hardly any difference at all.

That being said, today I was short a kid, and it was a good thing, too. The youngest baby wanted to be held and bounced a lot today, and the older baby is teething. And of course, Baby Girl just wanted her mommy from time to time, and Toddler Boy was his usual energetic self. So I had my hands full trying to meet everyone's needs.

At some point in the afternoon I was bouncing the baby-baby, and enjoying the fact that everyone was comforted and happy, and I thought to myself: Man, wouldn't it be nice to go back to just four kids? It was so much easier then!

But then I had a quick flashback to when I had changed from three kids to four kids and had thought: Man, wouldn't it be nice to go back to just three kids? It was so much easier then!

And when I realized that I had once thought four kids was hard, and now I think it would be easier, I laughed! The truth is, a larger group of kids is not that hard. I find it sort of amusing when I talk with other moms about what I do, and when I tell them I watch five kids, there is always a gasp! followed by an "Oh my goodness" and sometimes a literal step backwards, as if having large number of kids is contagious. I'm always quick to say it's not that bad and is actually easier than it sounds.

With each addition to the group you make adjustments, figure out ways to handle the additional workload, re-define the term "flexible," and truly appreciate the spare minutes of time you are given. It's amazing what you can accomplish in two minutes when you've been waiting all day to do something other than wipe a nose or wipe a bottom!

I've heard it said that going from one child to two children is the hardest transition, and from there on it gets easier. From my experience, I find that to be true. Taking care of more than two children at a time is do-able. Sure, there are times when housework is put off (indeed, most of my housework is done on the weekend when I have only ONE child to tend) or I don't eat lunch until all the kids have been fed, and at the end of the day I'm tired and my feet hurt. But I've survived and I credit good planning and organization, and the expectation of accomplishing only one thing each day: taking care of kids.

So, yeah, it's not that bad. Not that I'm looking to expand anymore...

Husband's grandmother, Grandma Jo, is on a fixed income. She lives in a poor rural area in Oregon, an area mostly known for the local drunkards. She makes ends meet based on her social security check each month. Her manufactured house is all but completely falling apart. And yet, on an almost monthly basis, we receive packages in the mail from her. Gifts for Baby Girl. Gifts representing the money she could have used to buy groceries and instead lavished on Baby Girl.

It began when I was pregnant. Before we found out what we were expecting, Grandma Jo was sending gifts. Neutral colored baby blankets. Rattles. Outfits. When we learned we were expecting a girl, the gifts changed to "pink" items. Photo albums, decorated with pink gingham and white lace. Little pink dolls. More baby blankets, this time pink.

Husband and I worried that she was spending money she shouldn't spend -- or didn't have to spend. We always thanked her graciously for the gifts, but secretly we accepted them with reluctance. We didn't know how to broach the subject with her, and instead turned to Husband's parents. Don't worry about it, they said. It makes her happy.

The gifts kept coming. Sometimes it's something simple in the mail, like a note with stickers tucked inside. Sometimes it's grander, like a stuffed animal. Sometimes it's clothing. Whenever a package arrives in the mail, Husband's and my eyes meet, both thinking the same thought. She shouldn't have.

But last fall, during our trip to the Oregon coast for Husband's brother's wedding, I had a conversation with Grandma Jo that opened my eyes -- and heart -- to understanding her motive behind the gifts.

Our conversation started with her tales of Catholic school, something I never knew she was a part of. To this day, she is a devout Catholic, and I had no idea. Our conversation took us back in time to her childhood, then brought us forward to her child-raising years. As we talked, her eyes continually lingered on Baby Girl, who romped and played and laughed nearby. Grandma Jo kept trying to hold her and cuddle her, but Baby Girl wanted none of that, being somewhat reserved with strangers.

Grandpa Bud always wanted a little girl, she said. After three boys we tried again, but it never happened. He would have been real proud of this little one. He would have doted on her for sure.

It was at that moment I realized what Grandma Jo was feeling. By doting on Baby Girl herself, she was maintaining a connection to her deceased husband. All the gifts, all the love...it was partly for Baby Girl and partly for Grandma Jo and Grandpa Bud. Husband's parents were right. It did make her happy to spend the money on the gifts. It made her happy to know there was a little girl in the family -- finally. A little girl that would have put a big ol' smile on Grandpa Bud's face every day. A little girl that was long wished for and never found.

Just today we received another box. Inside was a beautiful quilt for Baby Girl. I imagined Grandma Jo at the store, sorting through the various quilts and blankets, looking for the one that was "just perfect." The one that perhaps Grandpa Bud would have said, I like this one. Let's send her this one.

***
Dedicated to the memory of Grandpa Bud, and to the love that is passed on through the generations.

My daughter was breastfed for one-and-a-half years. We eat a very healthy vegetarian diet. No junk food and no sweets except every once in a while. We have good hygiene in our household, and we live in a very clean environment.

You would think that we would have great immune systems.

For the most part, we do.

Except poor Baby Girl, who seems to pick up on the slightest germ and suffers through an illness. Since I started the day care biz 9 months ago, she has suffered through countless colds, four ear infections (all double), and a case of the flu. Make that two cases, since she just started throwing up today.

So what's the deal? All the day care kids seem fine. They are hardly ever sick. I don't get it. I thought some of the lifestyle choices I had made would help protect her. I'm sure in the long run, they will. But for now, it's heartbreaking to watch her suffer and frustrating when it seems to always be just my kid.*



*not that I want other kids to be sick. It's just, why is it always her??

Yeah, so you know it's very cold outside when the following happens:

You walk out to your garage. You feel cold. You walk over to the freezer and open it. It feels warmer inside the freezer than it does in the garage.

True story.

It's cold here.

I've been doing some thinking lately. A lot of thinking. About what this blog means to me. I've been writing here for over a year now, and when I first started I thought it would be something different. It's moved in a direction I wasn't expecting, and I'm not really sure what to think of that.

If anyone recalls -- or cares -- from my resolutions I listed at the beginning of the year, I wanted to participate in NaBloPoMo this year. That would have meant writing a post every day during the month of November. Obviously, I didn't do that. I called it quits on that particular resolution long before the month of November approached. With four full time kids to tend to now, I simply don't have the time anymore.

So during November, and even a bit during October, I enforced the opposite position on myself: I stayed away from my blog. That little "sabbatical" gave me time to reflect on what I'm getting out of this. And I found that I felt much better about my blog when I wasn't forcing myself to write on it. I know, I know...anyone could have told me that.

But what I'm really trying to say is that I enjoyed not writing on my blog. So what does that mean? I don't know...Because I do enjoy writing here, while also not writing here. So I think the conclusion is I will be writing here less. Only when I feel I have something to say. Scratch that...When I have the time to share my thoughts. Because now my time belongs to four little munchkins.

This isn't a swan song, so check back when you feel like it. I do want to keep writing, and I still have plenty of thoughts to share. We'll see where this goes from here. Until next time...